Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
