I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
