He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
