Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
