At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize