I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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