I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
