I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
