so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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