apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
