Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
