mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
