Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He? As in you personified your dick?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
