recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
