did you get engaged???
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
