i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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