ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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