It's Friday. Sex?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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