Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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