You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
