Nicole vs. Life
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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