i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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