i need an iv and a liver transplant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
