this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
