if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize