O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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