I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
