11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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