all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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