if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
