halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
