exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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