I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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