I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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