I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
