Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
