Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
