That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are a genius and a whore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
