I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
