Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
