all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
