im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
