After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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