Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
