he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
