you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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