i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
