I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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