I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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