So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
