I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
