it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
