Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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