You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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