He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
