Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
