And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you would pick up someone in the library
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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