Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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