Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
