All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
