You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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