You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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