WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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