Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
