I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
