Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
