I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
