we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize