I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
