Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
