Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
