when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
