How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
