Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
