I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
