Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
