And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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