i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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