I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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