i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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