I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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