textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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