Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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