So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
