I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
love makes seman taste better
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
