Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
