You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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