You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
