Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
