i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
